Some Brief Thoughts On Good Marriages.

Mike Hosey, Elder (and wife, Kelli)

Good marriages are characterized by a lot of different attitudes and behaviors. Here are just a few principles worth noting.

1). Put God First: Your spouse does NOT come first. Your children do NOT come first.  Your church, job or hobby do NOT come first. God comes first. In fact, he commands it (Exodus 20:3, Deuteronomy 6:5, Mark 12:30-31). When any other person takes precedence over your relationship with God, you can expect everything to get out of line and all of your priorities to get mixed up. But if you keep God first, then you will give the proper amount of real love and commitment to others because you'll be primed to do those things God wants.

2). Your Spouse Is The Most Important Relationship after God: Your relationship with your children does NOT take precedence over your relationship with your spouse. In terms of relationships, God comes first, your spouse second, and your children third. In my experience, this one is particularly hard for women because they are blessed with a maternal instinct. However, if your relationship with your spouse is askew, then your relationship with your children will be askew because there will be conflict in your home. Your children are not served well by putting your relationship with them above your relationship with your spouse. Ephesians 5:21-25 tells us that wives are to submit to their husbands, and that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church. (Remember, Christ loves us even when we don't deserve it!) These verses alone reflect how significant God considers the spousal relationship. 

3). You No Longer Belong To Your Parents But To Your Spouse: You become one flesh with your spouse (Genesis 2:24). While you continue to honor your parents always, your primary relationship is now with your spouse. And while you should respect the wisdom that may come from the parents of both spouses, those parents should not have actionable authority in your spousal relationship.

4). Do Not Neglect Intimacy and Sexuality: Once married, your body belongs to your spouse (1 Corinthians 7:4).  Sexual intimacy is normal and healthy. It should be mutual and unselfish. It should occur freely, and with regularity (1 Corinthians 7:5). And it should never be used by either partner as a form of manipulation.