Leaving the Toothpaste Lid off and Your Underwear in the Floor

Mike Hosey, An Elder

We human beings are social creatures.  As such, we are designed to be in relationships. In fact, not only are we designed to be in relationships, we usually have a strong desire to be in them. To be sure, there are those of us, like myself, who are introverts – meaning that we have a strong inner life – and those who are extroverts – meaning that they have a strong external orientation. But, for the most part, both introverts and extroverts need and desire human relationships, even though it may not seem so from the outside, or feel like it from the inside. God has made us this way. His design for our lives, at its very least, is to be in relationship with him. But at its fullest, His design is for us to be in relationship with him and others.  Just consider the idea of the nuclear family, or the design of the church. Or consider His proclamation that it is not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18). No man or woman, and certainly no Christian, was ever meant to walk through life alone.

Of course relationships are a challenge. They can be extremely difficult, full of pitfalls, dangers, road blocks, missteps, and slips. This is mostly because they require us to restrict ourselves, sacrifice for others, be patient, be kind, be committed, and be generally “other oriented” – even when we don’t want to be.  Often, it’s especially when we don’t want to be. In some ways, being in relationships means we have to be like Jesus. The marital union is one in which all of our relationship abilities are tested. This is because even the best marriage relationship is going to expose one to all of the flaws of one’s spouse. We get to see how they don’t replace the toothpaste lid, or how they leave their underwear in the floor, or how they are sometimes loose with the truth, or cowardly and insecure when they should be brave and bold, or how they fail over and over again in areas that we think they should have mastered long ago.  And we get to see this almost every day. But here’s the rub.  When our relationship gets a bit sour, we see these things in our spouse without ever considering our own flaws and problems. The Bible tells us that we should guard our own heart, because everything we do flows from it (Proverbs 4:23). Because our heart is deceptive and desperately wicked (Jeremiah 17:9), we need a regular appraisal of it by a force that can know all truth. The Holy Spirit is that force.  And regularly submitting to his leading, searching, and guidance will help you navigate the pitfalls and slips of relationships (Romans 8:27, Galatians 5:22-23).