Thanks in All Circumstances

Mike Hosey, An Elder

There are many verses in the bible that command us to do pretty radical things.  For one, there’s the command to love our enemies (Matthew 5:44). Another is the command to turn over your uninjured cheek if an evil person slaps you (Matthew

5:39). These kinds of commands are counterintuitive, but most of us have at least some concept regarding their usefulness or morality.

Other commands, however, take a bit of spiritual growth before we begin to see the truth behind them. For instance, consider 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18.  We’re told to be thankful in all circumstances.  Read it again. It says all. It also says that to do this is the will of God. Some might interpret this to mean that a person is to be thankful for every circumstance, but as other thinkers have pointed out, it doesn’t say that at all.  Instead, it says to be thankful in all circumstances.

The idea is that we should maintain an attitude of gratitude, and recognize what God has done for us, and what he is doing in us. Even in our darkest hours, we can be thankful that God is shaping us into something greater (Romans 8:28-29, Colossians 1:12-14, James 1:2-3).  Not having a thankful heart, on the other hand, ultimately leads to a darker heart with darker consequences (Romans 1:21).

It’s truly a radical concept, but one potential reason that God commands us to be thankful in all circumstances is so that like Paul we can be content and realize that Christ gives us power to endure all things (Philippians 4:11-13). And when we are able to endure all things, we become very dangerous to a devil bent on destruction (James 4:7). So do something radical, and always look for things God has done in you, and is doing through you.

Humility and Why It's Important!

Mike Hosey, An Elder

In a portion of Peter’s first letter, he directly addresses the elders of the churches in Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia and Bithynia with an unfocused shotgun blast of wisdom (1 Peter 5:1-7).  He challenges them to be good examples. He explains that they should watch over the flock out of desire, and not out of obligation. He advises them to be honest, and eager to serve.  He tells them not to lord their authority over those subject to it.

But in the second part of the passage, he focuses like a laser beam on the concept of humility. In fact, the whole passage seems colored by it more than anything else -- perhaps because he mentions the concept four times in the space of two verses (1 Peter 5:5-6). He tells those who are younger to submit to their elders (submission requires humility). He tells everyone to “clothe themselves” with humility.  He reminds them that God opposes the proud but extends grace to the humble. And finally, he commands them to humble themselves beneath the mighty hand of God, so that God can then lift them up.

Why such a focus on the concept?  The answer is in the DNA of humility.  Humility is a modest or low estimate of one’s own importance. When we recognize who God is, we approach a more accurate estimation of our own importance.  It is a lack of humility that causes us to be selfish. It is a lack of humility that causes us not to get along with others. It is a lack of humility that pushes us to do the opposite of everything Peter asks in his shotgun blast of wisdom. But most importantly, it is a lack of humility that can cause us not to go down to the altar, or to refuse to ask for forgiveness, or to refuse forgiveness to someone who asks for it. This lack of humility causes us to ask what others might think.  This, in turn, creates anxiety because we don’t want to be seen as less than what we think we are, or as less than what we think everyone else thinks we are (or should be)! Sometimes when we are suffering with anxiety or worry (not all of the time) we can’t move because we’re worried about status. But if we humble ourselves, and realize there’s someone so much greater than we are that our silly comparisons here on earth are meaningless, then we will submit, cast that anxiety on God, and realize that he truly cares for us.  We will then be appropriately exalted (1 Peter 5:6).

How to Disciplne Your Children

Mike Hosey, An Elder

Here at Fellowship, we’ve often taught that love is being committed to the well being of another person. Of course the term, “well being,” can mean many different things.  It can mean extending grace to another for whom favor is not deserved. It can mean honoring a promise even when it hurts. It can mean practicing patience for people in a world where time and money are fleeting. It can mean staying in a relationship even when every fiber of your being wants to leave. But for parents, that commitment is colored greatly by the word discipline.

Normally, we think of “discipline” as a punishment that we mete out as a means of making someone behave. That is the wrong way to think of it! By definition, discipline is simply training people to obey rules or a code of behavior. It is a practice, and usually a daily one. Instead of being something that we do to another, it is something we do for another. It is also something that we do out of love -- which means, in regards to our children, it is something we do out of a commitment to their well being.  This just happens also to be the example set by God.  He disciplines us because he loves us -- because he is committed to our well being -- knowing that the end result of it will be holiness (Hebrews 12:5-11). If we do not discipline our children, they will become a trouble for us, as well as a trouble for those around us. But even more importantly, they could miss out in some way on the blessings promised by God.

Here are some quick pointers to help you as parents discipline your child.

Be Consistent: Stick to your guns. Do not discipline one way on one day, and another way on another day. Keep your expectations clear and uniform. Inconsistency is confusing, and will make your children unsure of the rules. It might also encourage them to take chances with your expectations.

Be Unified: If you are in two parent home, have a plan for how you will handle infractions. Never undercut your spouse. It is best for a child to see the two of you as a unified front. Children are little people, and like many people, they will vie for any advantage. Plus, disunity naturally creates inconsistency. If you are a single parent, stress unity with those who help you. Be unified with biblical ideals.

Do Not Discipline in Anger: Your judgement will likely be poor, and you will end up doing something to your child rather than for your child.

Connecting With Your Children

Mike Hosey, An Elder

If we are to model for our children the kind of person God wants them to be, then we must learn to connect with them. This is an extremely important concept.  Connection means that a link or a conduit must be built in which love, information, blessing and communication can flow. Without that link, any modeling you present will be less effective than you want it to be. When you establish that link, then your modeling can be maximized. There are a number of ways that this link can be established, but consider these three as highly effective:

TOUCH: Appropriate, nonsexual, loving touch builds bonds. In fact, if we are to follow the model of Jesus, we might want to consider it (Mark 10:13-14, Mark 6:56, John 13:25). Touch has a way of communicating acceptance.  Just think of what it must have felt like, as well as what was communicated to the prodigal son when his father embraced him after his life of poor choices (Luke 15:20). When sincere, touch affirms and validates love. It establishes a link.

TIME: Connections cannot be realized without spending time. In fact, review the scripture from last week’s Reflections (Deuteronomy 6:4-9). In that passage we’re told that we are to teach our children about God in almost every domain of life.  To be able to do that requires spending time with them in all of those domains. If you plant a garden, but don’t spend time in it, you can expect that weeds will grow.  You can also expect that your connection to that garden, and your dedication to seeing it grow will diminish. Spending time also communicates value, and thereby builds a link.

ENCOURAGEMENT: Connections are also built through words of encouragement. The bible expressly teaches this (1 Thessalonians 5:11, Ephesians 4:29, Hebrews 10:25). There is clearly good in a good word.  Consider the truth of Proverbs 12:25, and how anxiety burdens a man,but a good word makes him glad.  All of these verses apply to children just as easily as they do to adults. Encouragement builds a link.  And when we model them for our children, they’ll model them for theirs. They’ll also model them for others, and by so doing, we will be advancing the Kingdom of God!

Modeling God

Mike Hosey, An Elder

One of the most influential minds in the field of psychology belongs to a man named Albert Bandura. His greatest contribution to the science of psychology lies in the concept  that people learn from observing and imitating the modeling of others. His theory is powerful, useful, and predictive. His most famous experiments, the Bobo Doll experiments, were conducted in the 1960s, and involved children learning aggressive behavior after observing adults do so with a punching bag doll. Bandura found that boys were likely to engage in aggressive behavior when they had observed a male adult doing so. Girls were less likely to do so after observing male adult models, but more likely to do so after observing female adult models. One conclusion we can draw from his experiments is that our children learn how to react to life by watching how we react to life. The more they are like us, for instance, in their gender, the more powerful the effect.

This element of human learning may be one reason God gives the Hebrews a command in Deuteronomy 6:1-3 to teach their children to observe his laws and to fear him.  The payoff, he instructed, would be that things would go well for them in the land, and that they would have long life and prosperity. But it wasn’t just a simple command that he gave them. Instead, he instructed them to carry out the command in a particular way. In Deuteronomy 6:4-9 he tells them to talk to their children about those commands when they are sitting at home, when they walk along the road, when they lie down and when they get up, to tie them as symbols on their hands and foreheads, and to write them on their door frames and gates. In other words, God is telling them that observance of his commands, as well as their relationship with him, should be evident to their children in every interaction they have with their parents. 

God knows that modeling is powerful.  In fact, this is evident from Peter’s claim that Christ is our example (1  Peter 2:21-25). Christ is the model that we are to follow in our lives. God became human so that we could identify with him as human, and model our lives after his.

So make an intentional effort to model for your children the kind of person you want them to be when they have fully matured.